Shameika

Shameika is real. When I first wrote the song, I was not entirely convinced she existed. Because I have this one memory and it’s a very big memory for me. But maybe I created this person. My third-grade teacher, Linda Kunhardt, was my favorite teacher. I’ve kept in touch with her over the years. She read the New Yorker article, and the next day, she sent me an email saying, “I heard you wrote about Shameika. I can see her …” She sent me a picture of her. I don’t remember what grade she was in. I was probably 11 or so. I don’t remember why she was talking to me. I just remember being in the cafeteria, a bunch of girls at one end of the table. I came over to sit with them, and they started laughing at me. So I sat one seat away but still tried to be close to them. Shameika came up, and she was like, “Why are you trying to sit with those girls? You have potential.” That was all she said to me. But I had remembered that maybe she was a bully or something. Then I got sent this picture of her, and she’s so cute — she doesn’t look like a bully at all. She’s just got this big smile on her face. But on the piece of paper that Miss Kunhardt sent me, there’s this short essay Shameika had written on the top. And, man, it is amazing. It’s all about how she got put up to do this thing in church, in the service. And everybody was laughing because she was so cute and she messed up words or something. And she was so pissed. She was like, “They used me to bring the people in there, to think it was cute. They used me.” I was like, This little kid realized what the fuck was going on. I’m terrified to think — what if she’s not a nice person nowadays? Or maybe she hates me or something. I’d be afraid for her to hear it. But I think about that little picture of her. She’s so sweet. My middle-school experience is still so important to me. Mainly because that’s where my relationship to women started getting fucked up. It’s awful how many memories I have with having a friend be with me and then having a more popular girl say to that friend, “Okay, you can be friends with Fiona or you can be friends with me. Choose.” And I never got chosen. On the line, “Sebastian said, ‘I’m a good man in a storm’”: [My bassist] Sebastian [Steinberg] said that when we were in Marfa, Texas. We almost got arrested for weed possession. We got pulled over, and Sebastian was smoking from an apple in the back, and I kicked into control mode. I was like, “David has brown skin, so he cannot be the one holding the pot. Sebastian has long hair and a long beard; he cannot be the one holding the pot. I’m the little white girl, I need to be holding the pot.” So I said, “Sebastian, eat the apple now, give me the pot.” And I put it in my sock, and he ate this disgusting apple really fast. And then they got us out of the car. There was a drug dog. They brought us out of the car, and I had the weed in my sock, and they’re so busy talking to the brown man and the hippie guy that they don’t notice that the drug dog is really into my sock. They’re like, “Oh, she’s a white girl. It doesn’t matter. The dog just likes her.” They just wanted to get the guys in trouble. Anyway, we got through that situation, so that’s why Sebastian said that to me. I was like, “Oh, thank you.”

[Verse 1] I used to walk down the streets On my way to school Grinding my teeth to a rhythm invisible I used my feet to crush dead leaves like they had fallen from trees Just for me, just to be crash cymbals [Pre-Chorus] In class, I'd pass the time Drawing a slash for every time The second hand went by a group of five Done twelve times was a minute [Chorus] But Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential [Verse 2] I used to march down the windy, windy sidewalks Slapping my leg with a riding crop Thinking it made me come off so tough I didn't smile, because a smile always seemed rehearsed I wasn't afraid of the bullies, and that just made the bullies worse [Pre-Chorus] In class, I'd pass the time Drawing a slash for every time The second hand went by a group of five Done twelve times was a minute [Chorus] But Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential [Bridge] Hurricane Gloria in excelsis deo That's my bird in my tree My dog and my man and my music is my holy trinity Hurricane Gloria in excelsis deo That's my bird in my tree My dog and my man and my music is my holy trinity [Verse 3] Tony told me he'd describe me as pissed off, funny, and warm Sebastian said I'm a good man in a storm Back then I didn't know what potential meant And Shameika wasn't gentle and she wasn't my friend but She got through to me and I'll never see her again She got through to me and I'll never see her again I'm pissed off, funny, and warm I'm a good man in a storm And when the fall is torrential, I'll recall [Chorus] Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential [Verse 3] Tony told me he'd describe me as pissed off, funny, and warm Sebastian said I'm a good man in a storm Back then I didn't know what potential meant But Shameika wasn't gentle and she wasn't my friend But she got through to me and I'll never see her again She got through to me and I'll never see her again I'm pissed off, funny, and warm I'm a good man in a storm And when the fall is torrential, I'll recall [Chorus] Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential Shameika said I had potential