Bruh

[Round 1: Wizard] I invented bad bars you cunts That's right, you my sons You look like every librarian in the world combined into one What's good Shuffle T? Looking like your daily diet is a cup of T Yo, I got more guns than Muscle Beach Your girl ain't from Detroit but she loves the D [Scizzahz] Don't fuck with me or I'll punch your mother's cheeks for a hundred weeks Looking like she got stung by bees Or tried to brush her teeth with a rusty piece of cutlery We're a couple G's You both grew up in a nunnery where you wore dungarees You weren't praying for love and peace But once a week they had to get down on their knees in front of priests [Wizard] Yeah you don't get bitches but between you you've probably shagged like half a dozen I bet that shit makes you cry like cutting the largest onion Yo, quit your barking cousin Cause you ain't gotta go to the zoo to see that Llama dumping [Scizzahz] I'll sleep with your misses You'll catch us in the act and I'll make you apologize and then clean up my dishes Don't come between me and my business Or you'll be like an old person in a nursing home; I'll be feeding you biscuits It will be like waking to find your bed sheets full of kippers {Why?} Cause I'll make you sleep with the fishes [Wizard] Yeah, I'm on the streets getting guap, you do years of lectures Since you're both shit comedians you'll hear the Heckler Yo, Shuffle and Marlo I'll box them fags Your girl flies around the kid like an Oxfam add [Scizzahz] I like leather sofa's, crocodile loafers and minks You like getting on drunk benders and you don't even drink Look, I'm gripping the Glocks And when I lift the tre' I ain't Justin Timberlake but I'll put this Dick In A Box [Wizard] Yo that pedophile coat you usually wear makes me sick It means you either take the dick or you got underage Asian chicks sending you naked pics Big gun leave your chest hanging out like the fakest tits You don't think so you'll see the best of the Nina like Simone's greatest hits [Scizzahz] Yo, these two are actually gangstas, it's a cover up, they keep the facts hidden The both met back in prison and shared the same hustler's ambition Marlo don't leave the house unless the gat's with him And Shuffle? He only sleeps with fat black women Look, I'm talking bollocks, that's a given Apart from, well, Shuffle does only sleep with fat women But they have to be white cause he hates black women [Round 1: Marlo] Wiz' and Sciz' have so much money They're literally always getting gwap Always, their cash flow never stops [Shuffle-T] Where do you even get it from? [Marlo] How many shops have you fellas robbed? [Shuffle-T] Doing the sleaziest ends and odds like Megan Fox in every job she's ever got Getting off with men in frocks in tennis socks til they let it pop like Pepsi froth [Marlo] Catch him on Brighton beach with a sign that reads "Press my nob for 20 [?] [Shuffle-T] And they got cash in hand for every job and make sure they check it off cause they realize if a penny's dropped [Marlo] Fuck the cash that you pretend that you magically get Your face looks like you have the excess flab from your neck attached with a peg at the back of your head [Shuffle-T] Your lizard face is bony as hell You look like a failed attempt the wizard made of cloning himself [Marlo] Also your name is Scizzahz, which is fucking hilarious And the only time I go for a big wiz' is when my dick pisses for six minutes I have to excuse myself from family dinners...I have a condition Fuck any style of clothing you've ever worn to battles you stupid short twat If any of your shoes were more flash you'd be a human torch and confuse your doormat You're a walking, talking, all conforming, consumer whore trash Gucci porn ad You're like if Michael Bay directed a movie called 'Swag' [Shuffle-T] In battles you state your chips stack to the roof Which is a hazardous waste an impractical move Yo, neither of them own an account at the bank Just mountains and mountains and mountains of cash Your nan walked in to the lounge where it's stacked And tripped over a million pounds like a twat Compounded at that But since they were 15 they've been making Italian savings and funds, wages and sums Went to watch Wolf Of Wall Street and claimed it was fun But thought it was a working class family romp based in the slums The rate at which they stack those bills will astound They got sick of all their cash sitting about So they gave up making money for Lent just sitting around And accidentally made, a billion pounds He's so rich it's a fucking joke He lights some cash to light a match to light a fag...he doesn't smoke But I don't think he's as rich as he thinks Would he give away 303 quid to some hobo's after three drinks? No! [Marlo] Yo and check this, when I'm hungry, I'm always eating a tidbit Using food to keep myself sustained is really addictive So when I hit a one stop and I leave with a big Twix You'll think I'm grabbing an actual gun and shooting you in the fucking face the way I reach for the biscuit [Shuffle-T] What the fuck was that? [Marlo] Reverse gun bar [Round 2: Scizzahz] Yo, I'm clapping at these wankers The crowd wanna see battles not amateur dramatics acted out by spastics Look, me and Wizzy keep it gritty We do make so much cheddar that we get our checks sent to Cathedral City [Wizard] Yo, no heart surgery I'll put knives to your chest You're like coke heads with Parkinsons cause your lines are a mess Yes, you're goddamn right I'll fire the Tec You ain't trying to hear the sea when I put that shell to the side of your head [Scizzahz] Yeah and I'm nice with the bread, I store it in a big bank I live in a mansion and own Europe's biggest fish tank Look, you're in love with your girl but she's a thick skank I'll pull out the nine and pump shots to her chest like a tit wank [Wizard] Yeah that slags ass took up half my sofa We chilled out, kicked back, sparked the doujah She started sucking me off, gave me the largest boner Then I got messy in the box [Scizzahz] What's that? [Crowd] Barcelona! [Scizzahz] Yo, this 'tards a loaner, dress like a dodgy fucker You need to raise Cash like Johnny's mother Marlo's going "Dudes, ditch the gums they're a horrid color" Shuffle's like, "Oh do sod off, you're not my mother." [Wizard] Yo you two ain't making cheddar When you go and get your hair cut you're like, "Just give me that David Guetta." I'm like Ray Charles cause I wear shades forever I bring hands to your block like a game of Jenga [Scizzahz] You wanna be rap battle legends, that's depressing It's like saying you're an O.G. at stamp collecting Look, I'll bash your head in cause I'm a go-getter You really ain't no better than faux leather, I'll do this fo'ever I'll smoke a spliff when I'm planning attacks You'd smoke a spliff and have a panic attack, now that ain't so clever [Wizard] Yeah girls say to me, "You are what a man looks like." Girls say to you, "You're what my nan looks like." Yo, you're going bald Marlo, that right there is certain Your hair is more wavy than a friendly person And no upset stomach but I'm dumping the big shit I'm like Shuffle's nan cause I'll serve tea/T with the biscuit [Round 2: Marlo] Now ladies, love a guy with a musical gene Especially dudes that can read music from sheet That's why Wizard runs through every single groupie he meets That his acoustics a beast and he plays the flute in his sleep Then of course she won't put out until he plays her a tune cause it's sweet So he sits her down in front of his computer and she Has to watch him spend six hours producing a beat And I think your beats would sound better if you stopped exploiting 'em And just uploading all the lines so we just didn't see them I'm saying, your music's good...within Reason [Shuffle T] Now who remembers 'Scrape That'? Scizzahz great song about saving up his cash I love your decision to whisper all the crazy stuff you rapped You sounded really kinda timid when you made the fucking track Like you were trying really hard no to wake your mum and dad "Scrape that. Get that money. Scrape that." [Marlo] Fuck 'Scrape That', I'll run up in your studio and take a shit on your mixer; scrape that! Cause you produce a bunch of beats on which some guys can rap But then you DJ that shit live and the club finds it wack See you guys are producers but your stuff's like a cat [Shuffle T] Why is that? [Marlo] But I thought YOU were coming up with a punchline for that [Shuffle T] Now I hope in this battle you remind us all of your criminal hustle And recycle some old used gun bars from your infinite bundle Cause you reuse that same joke like some miserable uncle And squeeze the most out of that shit like bear grills in the jungle [Marlo] I actually imagined a non gun bar [?] be about for April Fools Ah, without any chrome sprayed and not a single reference to the amount they both make And if you wanna know exactly how that sounded then go play Uno Lavoz's third round against O'shea [Shuffle T] Cause you make a gun bar and claim it's a banger Telling everybody that you stay with the hammer That ain't funny anymore you need a change in your stand up Cause if laughter's the best medicine then they give you cancer You guys act all American like you're Loe Pesci now You should know that kind of shit just don't get the crowd I'm sure your pseudo Cali style makes you both very proud But if you wanted to sound American more just...choke every round [Marlo] Cause when you bitches wrap it's always schemes about the hidden gats you brought to squeeze But what you know about sneaking cheese graters past the Brixton [?] security? And even against the Americans you still had those lyrical gats pop You called the performance a lot of support but Josh it was awkward Cause if you tried that over there after crossing the boarder you'd be shoot for just talking Shit, you'd be in more danger of those Washington than Solomon Northup On his first day there he'd hear a knock at the door and it's a robber that's calling like, "Give me your shit bitch of I'ma pull out the biscuit." And big Wiz' with his quick wit would probably say, "Oop, no chocolate [?]" And look, if you like when they rap on blazing heat, how they grab the chrome and spray You must be higher than Harry Baker's sleeves when he battled Stowaway [Shuffle T] In 50 years when Wizard here is getting old and grey He'll turn to his grandchildren like he's got a joke to say Like, "Did I ever tell you the one about how I grabbed the chrome and sprayed?" [Marlo] "Granddad yes! We heard your gun bars. Now please just go away." [Shuffle T] And there's some shit we promised we wouldn't bring up And we're men of our words....so time [Round 3: Wizard] Yo, I'll drive up to Redding with a gun and a mask Wet up these posh cunts like when I fingered your mum in a bath Yo those slags have got some fat thighs, and they're proper racist Cause I pulled out my dick and they went, "Sor', not into black guys." [Scizzahz] That's right, you're with your mates William and Zander [?] thinking that you're witty with the banter I'm chilling with a bitch on a Beranda My girl looking like Rihanna, your girl looking like Miranda [Wizard] Ya big wiz' I'm gripping and I'm firing Since you look like Marv' from Home Alone it's only right I hit you with the iron When it comes to shooting I'm a pro dude I'll put the steel to your dome like scaffolding at the O2 [Scizzahz] Your set is polished for certain, you put a lot of the word in I wish I practiced as much but I'd rather not be a virgin This clonker is working for a place that remakes clothes I thought, "There's nothing wrong with that." Until I found out it was called, "We Say No" He tried to donate his cheapskate coat His boss was like, "Ahh, thanks Adam. Okay, let me see mate...No." [Wizard] Yo, you only came to Brighton for the hairy gay guys Bitch! That black forty is still popping like Mary J. Blige Yo it's All I Need, you know that I'm packing mines It's like school sports day the way we clapping them nines [Scizzahz] Yo, I get mad respect, call me Gillette Watch this pro glide, I mack/mach 3 hoes and they're the best a man can get Yo, I'm razor sharp and these dudes not right I'm like a builder having a wank the way I shoot on sight/site [Wizard] You said you had a Fiesta from '83 to get you from A to B The only problem with that mate is that it doesn't get you laid you see I said, I leave bitches wet like they went out in the Timbs Cause I got an Audi and a Benz from 2010 [Scizzahz] Pass me the green I'll get to blunt blazing Won't depart from the scene without guns blazing My life is large an obscene I keep the funds raising I'm in a bath full of beans like I'm fund raiding [Wizard] Sciz' I got plenty more fam' You're so white and skinny you make Marilyn Manson look like a flabby old black man So stop doubting it's drama Cause you'll be like an Egyptian man walking his pet; taking out with the Llama [Scizzahz] Look, you've had it easy til now, mainly shit opposition You entered wanking contests just so you'd get stiff competition But look, you can't manage this team I'll call you David Moyes They only came to the coast for the lady boys If you rep for this city you need to raise your voice I'm like Brighton where you at? [Both] Make some noise! [Round 3: Shuffle T] You're gonna lose you dickhead You know why? Cause we're thee best comics No tiny male version of Barbie but I put my wee Ken on it (weekend) Cause you treat that proper shit like the exact opposite of the shallow side of a swimming pool; deep end (depend) on it [Marlo] These guys will overuse their gimmick Yo, we're like Usain Bolt, so quick You're not like Usain Bolt, no quick Slow bitch, if there's one thing I'm telling you guys, know this I suggest changing that gun bar gimmick of yours to stitching feces Since it's already so (sew) shit [Shuffle T] He asked us to hang out I was like, "Is this crazy guy proper?" It took me ages to get back to you like a lazy spine doctor [Marlo] Yeah we been bashing these pricks hard, I'll start smashing your bitch Todd It's like more than one of the local S&M scat clubs closing down for refurbishment And then all of them actually reopening again the way we back with some shit bars [Shuffle T] Yo, it's like the opposite of fair trade chocolate Morally (more really) bad bars Yo, you're so gay, your home's Dusseldorf That's right, you just a gay, Wizard, no Dumbledore [Marlo] See me, I've always got that gun to shoot people with But don't confuse it with my arms which some people may also call "guns" [Shuffle T] Wohohoho! You're as gay as a dinosaur I ain't as gay as a dinosaur I ain't saying he's gay, wait I am, I ain't gonna lie no more Cause this guy opens to ding dongs like a door [Marlo] Yeah, you guys are from Hastings, which has a nice selection of pubs Nah, fuck Hastings, you're like Brighton's lesbian mum When I say we'll battle off Hastings ain't no fight the settler's won I've hated Hastings ever since I fell into that spiky equin grub [Shuffle T] They, fucking appalling Say, something that's boring When I'm up here, well it's great fun when I'm talking It's like I'm observing the changing measurement of grams in my various mugs Because it gives me a reason to wake up (weigh cup) in the moring [Marlo] I'm no thief, so I don't wanna Jack your real name I'm not going to say it though [Shuffle T] Say it thought cause... [Marlo] Your lame bitch gimmick's played Cause when you aim clips, hit and slay and spray pricks with a trey The formula is me not flushing the toilet for a week Same shit, different day [Shuffle T] See with us you get variety Bad Bars once and that was it and now we're pissed Your fucking style has forced us to come back to it Cause a real Wizard knows to repeat the same magic trick But you guys have been back in this since way before Bagnall did the capturing on his camera kit Back in the OT days; anarchists But now we're the fucking catalysts of the new wave of battling Where it's only cool to do when you really fucking practice it [Marlo] Shuf' and Marl', nothing off the top of the dome or the head And I bet you're totally scared at how over prepared we can go with a set For example, if I say the word in a code that we've said Like, "You both are some plebs" Then Shuffle knows in his head he needs to go over there and start combing his hair [Shuffle T] Oh yeah, we're never dropping shit off the top of the dome We're just propped and sitting and home, jotting scripts on the go like the opposite of Charron Are rehearsal game is off the chain [Marlo] Our fucking practice game doesn't even have a chain a man can break One of us will just kinda be saying some stuff [Shuffle] And the next person will just be kinda making it up [Both] And before you know it the synchronization is done and we're basically one Mate! Just shut up, aww for fuck s- This isn't Fuck it man, let's just go You both- You both need to stop and fucking analyse this You spent a lot of time on the battle mic tip And you actually write tracks that like...have a nice mix A career full of hardships and sacrifices And here we are so poshy twat cracker white kids Against established producers with actual music they plan their lives with So fucking tune in, rapping like this, getting ten times your views with this pantomime shit Adam I quit [Shuffle T] Why did I say... [Both] Time!