Civil War

[Intro: James/Skittle Z/Yung $erpico] James: Alright...we're here to settle an ancient beef, since the beginning of time We're going to-hey hey hey hey. Keep it civil! Keep it- Keep it fucking civil! Alright, it's gonna' be Spencer... Skittle Z: Skittle Z, uh, up and coming! Reppin' the 321: Space Coast Yung $erpico: Alright, it's your boi Yung $erpico. Shoutout Vincent Baker, shoutout Jersey Lyfe, shoutout Duval, hell yeah white boi...Spencer needs to atone for his crimes, and that's why we're handling this like men. No more talk, I mean, a lotta' talk but like, you know what I'm saying. Let's get to it James: Alright, you first [Round 1: Skittle Z] We're Above and Below, ground troops to air strike I rise you Decline like the Third Reich Call me the state, cuz' I got a Monopoly on force, trade in your House on the Hill no remorse I ain't Sorry, but you're in Trouble You took this Risk when you decided to tussle Put up no Resistance, you can't Blokus It Boggles the Mastermind you ain't cautious I put figures into place like we're packing up I got you on the bottom, my rules on top Beat you at Jenga, you ain't stackin' up Win at rap and Twister, Don't Flop In my own house, this isn't gonna' fly Roll the dice, give you one, now you gotta' die Hit your face hard, gonna' cause some Delirium Make your death take longer than Twilight Imperium Your body, dead on the ground, not a Clue left around Who's the perp? No one can Guess Who did the wrong Hidden roles, Deception: Murder in Hong Kong So who did you win? Oh, I think I can solve 'er Me, in the living room, with the Revolver [Bridge: James] Alright, that's pretty good. Let's see what Yung $erpico has [Round 1: Yung $erpico] Spencerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~ Spencer says he wants to battleeeeeeee~ Okay babyyyy, don't get rattledddddddd~ I'll take you anywhere, Florida to Seattleeeeeeeeee~ I mean, that's how it was gonna' go But then this stupid hoe, went and insulted Serpico, so now you gotta' go You nerdy, dirty, ugly Jeffery Dahmer lookin' motherfucker..... Oooh! You realize I know where you stay I could be outside your window at daybreak with the AK I could spray, hit your bedframe, probably hit Ben next to you by mistake...sorry Ben! Decapitate Spencer, don't get ahead of me Swinging wild now like I'm hot off the Hennessey Spencer gonna' get this work, like Infinite Energy I'm a bad guy with the Billy club, violent I will stick a Billy club through both of your eyelids And leave your face all bloody, lookin' like Billie Eilish Goddamn... You slid through my home turf, Jersey, and I'm not gonna' let that slide Next time you're up there, I'll find where you hide I keep the pistol real low, shoot you right in the thigh Then give him that Gilead farewell: that's when you stick a gun, under his eye! Quick hits, I keep spamming them Take this up to Toronto, if you got the stamina But be warned, I got two custom guns made by my blacksmith in Panama Call 'em Emily & Moira, I smuggle these hand-mades into Canada Did y'all not like that? I mean, did you get it though? Good, okay, wait...I gotta' think of something, um... What do y'all like? Whose ready for FOOTBA- no (Tina: Talk about his sister!) I'll get to that ...Video games! Y'all like video games, okay yeah (Christian: We're Gamers man!) Yeah, okay Well, video games, Nintendo, guess I'm in good company Name my guns: this one called Valve, what it does will astound you And this one is Bungee, it'll put a Halo around you And this one is Blizzard, it's raking in bucks And this one is EA, it fuckin' sucks And this one's called Sakurai, it smashes brothers in brawls And this one's called Bethesda, cuz' once she loaded, she starts clipping through walls You little...oooooooooo.....mmmmm....okay..... Man, you guys must think I'm taking this way too far But he's the one that let the rumors start So it's after dark, it's time to spark I drag your ass through Depot, now that's a walk in the park Take ya', starting banging on his chest, it look like CPR I get up, start jumping on his chest, it look like DDR Call my girl in, she came equipped with scissor blades She give your face a cut, trim your beard, slice your ribcage My girl will sew you to death real fast, that's cuz' she tailor swift Speaking of new Lovers, I heard Spencer got a girl now, can't you tell? Okay Skittle Z, I really wish you well Cuz' everything should go good, until she realizes all the lies you tell I can't wait for the New Girl to leave Spencer, like Zooey Deschanel This boi whoring for rhymes, tu puto I know dogs that are real killers, they Cujo This dog can't even speak, you Pluto I will kill everybody you love, it's true though I'll show up to your family's house with firearms, Prince Zuko Hit your mother, hit your father, silence your sister, Nezuko (Tina: How are you feeling Spencer? Skittle Z: I'm getting destroyed) Give it up for Spencer everybody! *Applause* Don't worry, I have more than that, not just one bit I can flip the script, watch me transition quick From the violence to just talking shit...yo dick! Yo dick (Tina: Spencer! Move the paper) It's so small, instead of inches, you use fractions It's no wonder with the ladies you got like no attraction You have to go to a brothel, just to get some action Every time you pay for small dick sex it's a microtransacation (Christian: He's already dead!) And then I feel bad for you girl, you can not maintain an erection I feel bad for this club, you can't sustain an election You treat our government like a mockery You only wanna' win off of gimmick votes, destroying federal property I'm glad our president is now that pacifist Benjamin Velie Because if I was in government, I would really really Have to punch an animal out of his wheelies Y'all didn't feel me, y'all didn't feel me Let me remix that! Let me remix that! I said I'm really glad that we've got a pacifist president, Benjamin Velie Cuz' if I was the president, if I was in government, I would really, really Have to schmak' a fox right out of his heelys Okay, okay...don't worry, 'cuz there's also the Anticobblers, you're next big mistake You made a whole religion based off the fact that your shoes might break Well it sounds really fun, so Spencer, when's the first meeting date? (Skittle Z: Shut up!) Your cult is deader than Jonestown after the Kool-aid Yeah....Spencer, I mean what do I do? Do I pop up a broomstick and pop a snitch like it's Quidditch? Or do I bust in his house all unexpected, the Spanish Inquisition Cuz' I'm lurkin' and searching and spying and fishing I get a vision of Spencer all alone in the kitchen Grab a knife and leave his face with like hundreds of stitches Then go through the rooms to find which one his bitch lives in Lift up her linens and fuck her....With her permission! Consent is very important even though it's a rap battle, you have to remember, consent is sexy, just cuz' I'm rapping...*Applause* Consent is good, don't do [bad] things, don't be mean to people Anyways, I'll leave his face with like hundreds of stitches Then I go through the rooms to find the one his bitch lives in Lift up her linens and fuck her, with her permission We do Missionary, Doggystyle, Cowgirl with the kissin' Cowboy with the toys, now the bedsheets is missin' The Gator, The Mongoose, the Ukrainian Business The Tiger, The Liger, the Dirty Nuclear Physics The Soldier, The Sniper, The War of Attrition The-...You don't recognize any of those sex moves (Skittle Z: First off!) But you don't recognize those sex moves, by your own admission? Well Mr. Vice President of Marketing, we can both make up positions! Time! (James: You got a lot of coming back to do buddy Tina: Oh Spencer! You have more? Skittle Z: Yeah! It's three rounds, three rounds Crowd: *Concerned Confusion* Christian: Wait, you're gonna' come back? That doesn't sound...) [Round 2: Skittle Z] Well while I have the stage, I wanted to tell you about something I've been working on for a lil' bit Right now it's just a small project, sorta' like a fun toy But soon...the President is going to be pretty scared(?) Because, it's called Spencoin and it's empirically and lyrically the future of currency Invest now, the return will be the best that you'll find currently Gimme' the mic cuz' I'll bust this The ledger is decentralized and trustless (Yung $erpico: Let him rap! Let him rap!) You're on the ground floor before the downpour Invest in the best and you'll make out with the whole store And we're so strong, so far along It won't be far now til' Fargo is far gone I rap fast as you check and kill a hashes-per-second Not weed but you see Merkle Trees what I'm reppin' Stop the sharp dressing, goose steppin' to bad guessin' You're Ben Bernanke and you're gonna' learn a lesson 'Cuz I'm way more than 51% attack Tyrannical governments watch your back Bitcoin's a Ponzi Scheme, that's a fact Spencoin runs on a different tech stack Cast aside your old ways and get ready for change We have nothing to lose, except our blockchains Here's some truth, peer-to-peer as one of the designers Adults use my cryptocurrency while Bitcoin has miners That's just a thought, where was I?...How much Evan sucks Call you a D1, 'cuz you're constantly single Can't get a D8 man, you an incel I gotta' stop him, so I pull out my knife Put the edge to the side your face, comes to a point, vertex Things go different when i gets involved, complex You talk about pulling a 9? Well I got a million! Now that's a real number You mime your guns, they're imaginary, well mine's a real number Shoot you point blank in the head, I'll do a real number Capture it on eight millimeter film, that's my reel number That's all I got *Applause* [Round 2: Yung $erpico] Spencerrrrrrrrrrrrr~ Okay...talking about your relatives and everything, I'm sorry about that...but I'll kill them 'Cuz these fists right here, they smash, they smack they crunch I'm givin' them out for cheap, like the Krishna lunch All your relatives, they can get hit with the crazy punch I'll put a whole white family into boxes, like the Brady Bunch Your slander, fills me with that wild anger But it's good I came equipped with new tricks, like the revised Ranger Now I'm magic with the stick, Hermione Granger Oh wait, you said no guns, bet, I'll wager *Sphew* 'Cuz when the dagger come out it puts your face in danger Or play Operation, organ rearranger I'll spread all your bits throughout the great range of nature The search party gonna' consist of his family, friends and strangers Cuz' after I divide Spencer, they'll round up, just to find a remainder You...ooooo......You good? Need a hug? Umm.....You came here to battle, you lost from the start (Skittle Z: Yeah) The way my bars graph, they blowin' right off the chart The shotty 12-gauge, it'll blow your body apart I've got more shells aimed for Spencer, we playin' Mario Kart You wanna know why I'm blazing you? Why you're so confused You gotta' go old school and take it back to the days of public school I carried the iron, you carried the binder, different tools You were playing with math blocks, listening to Dad Rock We had to stuff our padlocks into our gym socks, swing 'em 'til someone's head got knocked You had science fairs, bitch we had bombing scares! Difference between us, it does not compare If we took a DNA test, there would be a background that we do not share See, I always rep Jersey 'cuz that's where I lived You could randomly encountered some vicious kids Doing adventure licks, faction Crips You survived with the quickest wits, and even quicker fists In those Jersey streets, I really learned how to roll initiative You got the Space Coast, oh my God, oh my God Y'all have pristine beaches, rocket ships, David Hasselhoff The coast of complete failure, mazel tov The home of Spencoin and the Challenger Mission, two things that could never take off Mmm....you're tryna' act like a gangster now? What did I tell ya' You wanna' act like a gangster but this isn't Goodfellas Skittle Z is really cheesy, you should be MC Mozzarella In reality you just a little white boi with a Latina, Troy and Gabriella What time is it? It's time to drop Lava Springs resort, the scene is hot When I pull out the iron, you gonna' see Troy boltin' for the EXIT spot I keep aimin', 'cuz I'm not gonna' stop 'til I get my shot There are so many differences between us, beyond your dreams Your total fame is made up out of computer memes When my tool flashes....Spencer, you're just really lame When my tool flashes, it turns you into a ghost, Fatal Frame Man I....but...when it came to this battle, it was really hard how I trained 'Cuz you just sound bad and hoarse, you must be limping lame But I raced hard on tracks, Kentucky Derby lanes I got that wild stallion style that can not be tamed Fuck RNG, 'cuz these Colts take luck out the game .................................. Y'know, I'm from Jersey, I haven't been there in a while But if you want proof that I'm from Jersey, I can do it Jersey style I'M STRAPPED IN! I CLAP YOU IN A COMA! MADNESS! I COULD SNAP AT ANY MOMENT! Heat seeker! World beater! You hack my mainframe with a code phreaker? I hack your mainframe with a meat cleaver! I stick your pieces deep down in a deep freezer! I stand and shout in your face, Turlington preacher! I spit chemically sick, like a bad ether I got a formula crazier than your math teacher's The stick will push you back into Ben's lap, like there's not enough room in Alicia's 4-seater Fuck this, I'mma just pull out the twin heaters And they identical, so really I could use either I mean, I can't really see the difference between 'em But I know I'll see a difference once I squeeze 'em *Bah!* Well this one stands, but this one dances, so which one do you want? You want Jojo Bizarre Adventure? Or Jojo Siwa? Time! *Applause* (Yung $erpico: If you wanna' take a break we can... Skittle Z: No, there's one more round, mine's short Yung $erpico: Okay, fair enough) [Round 3: Skittle Z] I have excellent taste, you're allergic to cheese You're from concentrate, but I'm fresh squeezed Your raps confuse, but my dumbfound You surprise while I astound I have a spectacular vernacular, my lexicon's a marathon Your raps drag on and on while I instead expound upon Your presumption of toughness, an act that is not fooling Any member of this crowd as I'm giving you this schooling For an English major, you're more of a cadet Five years of your life, and student debt What a waste of your time, you won't be the wealthiest You want the English degree? I'll tell you it: Celsius So here's where we stand, I'm recycling, you're trash Fonts? I'm Helvetica, you're Comic Sans Yeah, I put Sans in that smash Take from the set of all people, on the left side those who are utterly gross Classless, trashy, verbose Nasty, unappealing to most The type of guy who would listen to Ghost And on the right side, those who are beyond moronic Idiotic, waiting for a good Sonic Works in Astrology, that is a true comment Plays a dominatrix but calls it ironic The intersection in the middle, that's where your finding him Overlap of two circles? Evan-diagram And his politics isn't great either Politics pretty rad, er, pretty bad He advocates a system which was ruled by tyrants, oligarchs I'll hit 'im with an ice pick in the head, yeah that'll leave some marks You're a Trotskyist, stick to newspapers Your rapping is so dreary, your complicated bars don't work in practice, they only work in theory And you Marxists? You think you know it all, but you failed to consider our modern age "Look at me, I know it all!" Yeah, let's look at grades Compare for all the world how we fare with our instruction I'm producin' A's on average, but you? C's the mean of production [Round 3: Yung $erpico] Ooooh boi....that liberal arts shit was uncalled for, I gotta- I gotta rebuttal that (mumbling) You whole-ass said what you can do with an English degree, I dunno, let's see Generally increase the cultural-, man's cultural propensity Or you could like, teach kids how to read Or increase the benefits of charity Lotta' things you can do with an English degree But while we're on the subject, talkin' about majors, for the sake of clarity What the fuck is up with Comp Sci's gender disparity?! I'm just telling big jokes, you're getting punk'd on "Sans in Smash"...GET DUNKED ON! (Yung $erpico: You good? James: Yeah...I got dunked on.) Alright, this is getting out of hand, might have to stop the show Spencer, there's something that you oughta' know That new girl you have, she's an open hoe I mean like, no disrespect, but with an ass like that, you understand bro-to-bro? I mean when she walks by me, she's always giving me a real nice show You know I gotta' give that thang just one good cop, Serpico (*Thawk*) You mad bro? Then why'd you take this so slow? We coulda' squashed this beef way before the damn promo Damn, coulda' squashed this beef way before that damn promo... I'm just... Damn, I'm gonna' have to do it to ya', gonna' have to do it to ya boi 'Cuz when it comes to your rap rounds, for a beginner? You kinda' got it I mean your first round was all cute, the second one was iconic Your third was flying over people's heads like a comet But generally when it comes to this rap stuff, in three rounds you really got it But wouldn't you be shocked if there was actually a fourth? Like Wallace & Grommit! Okay, let's just do it! Wallace & Grommit bars baby, let's do it! Mac out, lead shower, long nose, big Mauser Metal in the pants, The Wrong Trousers Fuckin' nuts, legumes, big guns, harpoons Aardman Cartoons, change in? Beep boop Tresspasser? Wee woo, get cheese? Nah dude Machine on, leave moon You know, I was the one that taught you to rap, the one that got your schemes invented All you did was sit around and make toast, browse on Reddit So while a silly white man was downstairs trying to eat his breakfast It's the dog upstairs who should get all the credit 'Cuz let's say, for example, a stranger comes into your life, stabs you in the back Takes over your life, takes all of your wealth in fact They try and pull the gat, tryna' get you whacked They stole your gem, and now you want it back Well you're lucky a dog's here trained fast to lay down some tracks (Michael: The Wrong Mommyyyyy~) Alright, we're talking about cartoons, let's get this old school Nostalgia style, EPIC FAIL, basic shit, Speak & Spell Let the carrot talk, Veggietales, stank-ass kid, Garbage Pail Money moves, business deals, rap game's clientele I spread my cheese all over a cracker, Wensleydale! You always rapped and acted like you're the protagonist, hardly At best you're a side character, Spencer on ICarly You wanna' act-you wanna' be a little rapper now with your little bars and schemes (Be nice, be nice! We're a family here.) I'm Freddy Kruger in this bitch, how I kill your dreams You're all complicated now, what the hell do you mean? I let girlfriend take the knife and skate a boi, Avril Lavigne Damn....money talks, money walks.... I've got a gun so big, it's really hard to cock It's extended too much and I've gotta' keep both hands on the gun stock When I'm holding it I'm always like, "This shit is way too long!" Like I'm listening to Prog Rock (Nah y'all didn't like that I gotta' freestyle) I don't even...you just...(?) about you It's just so easy to make fun of you But maybe like Taylor said, maybe that's the fun of you Do I give him the .40 or the .45? It's too many guns to choose I don't know about you, but I'm feeling .22 You don't know what kinda' smoke I'm on, I don't know what typa' shit you on A billion lions? I got a gun so big, it kill every Pokémon (Crowd: That's a lot of lions... Yung $erpico: It's okay! I've got a big gun!) Spencer spencer spencer...you want to finish it?...Okay....Well fuck how you feel! Pistol grippin' and tippin', yeah I'm keeping it real I got these hot pockets but I ain't serving no meals I go medieval style on you when I'm rocking the steel Short words stab like short swords, slay noobs, make your chest move Y'all gonna' see the king move through a rook, that's a chess move This one right here? I call her the queen, because she's the fairest I'm declaring this heiress the fairest when she flaring them shots that ensnare in your bare chest Leave you dyin', staring as you caress the kiss of death Yes, this is my queen, and the queen makes an inquest Spencer, that old church down the road, is it getting any maintenance? Like the altar, the yard, anybody watching the staircase? That's too bad...well you better sure well hope that the bell tower didn't get any repairmen 'Cuz if that bell starts bangin' and blaring The queen go crazy and shoot fire, Daenerys Targaryen See Spencer? You could never be me Spencer You lost like a pirate ship with no grip on the high seas Spencer Gee Spencer, you could never be a G Spencer You can't thrive, so just try staying alive like the Bee Gees Spencer Gee Spencer, I'm about to check C Spencer I come through and effectively wreck C Spencer You'll need healing when I come through and step on your neck, C Spencer And if that don't work, I got a whole armory Spencer I got AR15s and LMGs Spencer I'm pulling big machines out this toolbox, erectin' a dispenser! Bitch!...I am tapped out, alright, give Spencer his dap Now it's time for y'all to go ahead and clap 'Cuz at the end of the day, even Spencer can rap