Rollin'

We all have our favorite albums, the ones we know and love and will continue to listen to the rest of our lives. And then there was the iconic albums in many genres, that sold millions of copies, everyone loved, everyone knew of ... and now we're it was probably ashamed that they were part of our culture, because they were awful! And this is why we should be Regretting the Past. I feel that every 2 or 3 months a Buzzfeed or other clickbait site has an article on "the worst albums of the 90" or "10 of the worst modern bands in the world." But what made them so famous? How did they go successful? Since the Occam's razor proves that the simplest solution with the least assumptions is most likely the most accurate, it leads to believe that the bigger the album sales, the bigger the name. [Photos of Pearl Jam and Foo Fighters] Well some groups stand the test of time and continue for years after a strong-selling album... [Alien Ant Farm, "Smooth Criminal"] ...there are others that clearly died an embarrassing death, umiliatingly, and are only brought back to remember how the world of pop culture was ridiculous to think it was a big deal... [Korn on Total Request Live] ... and how much regret many of us have for having bought to Carson Daly showed us what's popular on TRL. [Motivational poster: stormtrooper with "REGRET"] So in my new series "Regretting the Past" I will look back at the biggest names and best-selling albums of rock... [Clip of Nickelback] ...that should have not gotten the attention they received. And sweet mercy, there are a lot of examples! However, in my mind, I can't think of better name to start with than Limp Bizkit. [Clip of "Rollin'"] Between 2000 and 2001, it feels that the only "rock band" spoke with MTV was Limp Bizkit. They had a gimmick, a look and a huge following. However, that seemed to fade into oblivion as other bands emerged, and Limp Bizkit dissolved. Years later, it feels like Limp Bizkit is one third of the Triforce of Suckage from 2000, that also has Creed and Nickelback. But after churning a lot of success and airplay time for their album Significant Other the group unveiled the title of their third studio album, Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water. Everyone thought he was joking when Fred Durst announced the title... but he was telling the truth. Besides, Fred Durst himself described as a "Chocolate Starfish". Of all the things to refer to yourself as, you choose an anus analogy... Classy. What causes my mind to implode is that this album by Limp Bizkit not only went multi-platinum, but that it also is sold over a million copies in its first week. It is the fastest selling rock album in history. That is insane! That means that there lines of red hat and baggy jean wearing posers at Best Buy, like it was Black Friday! ... Or Limp Tuesday. So not only Limp Bizkit made a fortune from late 90-early 2000, but an album titled Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water made millions of dollars. Really think about it, people. Currently, the album is selling for 3.48 dollars on eBay. I'm slightly shocked at selling for that much, but if people are willing to buy 80,000 copies of the new Nickelback in its first week without listening, then that shouldn't be surprising. So to prove my point on how Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water is not the bright light everyone remembers and instead something that we must regret, I'll do something that probably no one has done for 10 years: I will sit here willingly and listen to this entire album, track by track, of Limp Bizkit! [cue other reviewers laughing at Luke...] LIMP BIZKIT? What an idiot ! What are you doing ? No, in fact I said nothing. I can hear what you're doing. You will do what? Singing "Rollin Rollin Rollin Rollin"? Limp Bizkit ... Track One: "Intro" Just a basic robotic intro, nothing special. Let's move on with the rest of the music ... ... or how do you even call it. Oh my god, I'm in my late twenties and I spend my free time listening to Limp Bizkit ... I think if my father found out he would be so ashamed of me right now. Track Two: "Hot Dog" [It's a fucked up world, a fucked up place Everybody's judged by their fucked up face Fucked up dreams, fucked up life A fucked up kid with a fucked up knife Fucked up moms and fucked up dads It's a fucked up a cop with a fucked up badge...] Wow, so much for being lyrically creative and trying to push your writing! Why do that when you can just use the F-bomb to explain every aspect, emotions and objects you can? Later in the song, they paid tribute to "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails ... Wow, they could not even stretch out enough original writing without ripping off a good song! It's interesting, because I feel like it's an original beat and the guitar work is strong. The riffs are deep and crisp. It feels like the song has a good pace, but hearing Fred Durst whine the F-word dozens of times just to hear him just proclaim "kiss my starfish" makes me actually feel my brain cells standing still. I think as an opening song it aptly describes their attitude. They do not deny everything that has made them famous on MTV, nor how they acted, pretending to be angry. The song definitely captures that feeling, but no appeal to ever listen that again! Ever. I mean, none! Hopefully that there is content in this album that just pulls me in and gives me some replay value! Track Three: "My Generation" [...Talk * about me Go ahead and talk * about my g-g-generation Cause we don't, don't give a *, and We won't ever give a * until you You give a * about me and my generation ] This has to be the first time that I've heard to this song in over a decade. I remember having heard a lot on FM, but ... why? Because the album was selling well? At least, the song has more variety of lyric writing. It's not a lot, but it's still better than repeating the same expletive! Again, the guitar riffs are great and there is a strong beat I think this is a pattern for a lot of Limp Bizkit's music. If not for this whiny and monotonous vocal pattern, it might have some promise and substance. In "My Generation", it actually dips down in tempo and you can hear a great bass line that preaches into some of the bandmembers showing off their individual skills. But it's all flushed down the drain with somehow doing a tied-back complaint to people to no one caring about their generation. What's the point ? This ain't anti-authority or fighting the system, it's just vaguely complaining! "You do not care about me," it was done thousands of times and scream by teenagers to their parents a million times more! I have a feeling there's a pattern going here: how 90% of this album just can be whining about not being treated like a king. Track Four: "Full Nelson" [ "Why is everybody always picking on me?"] Oh my gosh, I'm right! It's like listening to an album with a bunch of toddlers complaining about not having their way in daycare, like they don't get their favorite toy or there's another kid picking the other little kid! I feel like this is where everything starts to flatline. It appears peer into the format and the song styles that now it seems all songs are starting to sound extremely similar. You can easily replace the verses of songs from one song to another and it would not make much difference. I mention the "flatline" part, because now the music is starting to lose its edge as well. It doesn't have much variety anymore, it feels like everything is just meshing together. I do not know if it's on purpose, but this song is bland. Milk and toast with vanilla waivers for dessert bland! When this album came out in 2000, I think it was because it supported so strongly on MTV that no one could escape it. It was what all 13 and 14 years craved and they wanted to represent rock in that way. This was the new thing, this was the anti-authority. But where is the appeal? It's not anti-authority, it's not fighting anything: it's just complaining. What is so great? "My Generation" was tolerable? What does it stand behind? Why did this sell so well? Track Five: "My Way" "My Way" was on radio play for a while, several months after the release of the album. I do not remember people singing it or even referencing to it, though. But apparently I blocked my memories of that period because "My Way" apparently did the best out of any single from this album! It was even on the Billboard top 100! I can tell there is effort put into these songs, and it's clear everything is mixed well and all the instruments sound great! The bass, the rhythm... it's all there! "My Way" actually feels like a song you could heard on the radio without seeing the name "Limp Bizkit" you wouldn't instantly change to another station. That being said, it's time to look at the most well-known song from this album, but also the most mocked and probably the most laughed at song by Limp Bizkit ever. Track Six: "Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle)" This song was EVERYWHERE. MTV, VH1, sporting events, commercials ... Even the Undertaker came out to it as his entrance music on Monday Night Raw for a bit! It was unescapable! For the radio, this was probably the perfect rap and rock hybrid, but in reality, it was more poppy than bubble wrap. It's a shame that this song is laughed at now, because if you strip out the vocals, you can hear just how good this beat is and how amazing the guitar is. The music involved here is excellent, but is ruined by the some of the worst lyrics and cheesy lines possible! It begs for another vocalist! Can you imagine how good this beat would be if someone like Zack de la Rocha was laying something down on the music? Something meaningful and well thought? ["So you better get some better beats and a get some better rhymes"] Really ? "Get some better rhymes"? Let's just look at some of the lyrics at this song, "Rollin", itself. Let's see what the rhymes are like here. [ "Shut the f*** up / And back the f**** out / While we f**** this track up"] WHAT IS THAT RAP? IT'S NOT EVEN RHYMING, IT'S JUST REPEATING THE SAME WORD! IT DOESN'T COUNT ! Oh my god, how much more of this do I have to- Six tracks? I'M NOT EVEN HALFWAY? [Luke gets sad and backs out of the computer. The other reviewers get worried...] What's up mate ? No no, I do not know where he is, look for the bandana and screaming! Just keep going *crying* Track Seven: "Livin' It Up" [A disbelieving Luke just presses the keyboard, "And I'm 'a keep my pants saggin'" plays louder as he nods negatively.] Great bassline. There is a fluid melody and rhythm here that could have something special if it didn't have the lyrics of a man-child complaining about how he's still gonna be a man-child! Track Eight: "The One" Oh my Gosh, it does not stop! It doesn't! It just keeps going, it's all starting to blend in together! There is nothing but whining and complaining! I swear, it's getting to the point now where all I can hear is this: [babies crying over footage of Limp Bizkit] I'll fly over the remaining songs, because I'll lose my sanity if I spend too much time on it. Track Ten: "Take A Look Around" It has to be said again that Wes Borland is an amazing guitarist. Probably one of the best in that era, of the early 2000s. He made that guitar riff with the Mission Impossible theme iconic. I know the song first came for the soundtrack and not for "Chocolate Hot Dog Starfish Whatever You Wanna Call It"... but let's be honest, this is the best song on the album. This is the one you can actually get behind and actually feel good while listening. In fact, if you had a gun to my head and said I had to listen to one Limp Bizkit song over and over again for an hour, this one would be it and I'd probably be OK with it. Track Twelve: "Boiler" Wow! This is actually sounding good! The drums, and bass line and that rhythm are great! This is something that can make me excited to want to listen to an album! [ "Looks like I have to do everything myself ..."] Oh my gosh, he ruined it. All that build-in was completely canceled out. It's amazing that Fred Durst has that ability. It's like he's a talent nullifiier. He kills the mood worse than an embarrassing dad joke in front of your friends. Track Thirteen: "Hold On" Oh no ... it's another slow build one with a good rhythm ... It's going to be ruined again, isn't it? ISN'T IT ? Hey, he's not screaming or whining! It is actually like he's trying to sing a bit! It actually isn't bad! We had to listen through 50 minutes of nonsense, but this isn't bad at all! It looks resembles something that you can get behind! Talent, effort, all the way through! There is a real atmosphere and Wes Borland can play the guitar and strum along it's liquid smooth! I feel like I found something that I listen to without feeling embarrassed that with the word "Limp" associated! I have hope now! I know it's possible for them to build something! What's next ? I have hope, what's gonna be the next song? Track Fourteen: "Rollin' (Urban Raid Vehicle)"Alright then... It's is the rap version of "Rollin". And I admit that the lyrics are much better here, but he had the help of three other musicians, in DMX, Method Man and Redman. So ... 8 people have made this song at least : or at least Limp Bizkit and these three. My head hurts... Now you may have noticed I skipped a few tracks, like the insanely long "Outro" or "Getcha Groove On" featuring Xzibit. You're not exactly missing anything, so you're welcome. And you're also welcome for not making anyone else to listen to it from beginning to end! I can't believe that this was so successful! Is this the worst thing ever? Absolutely not. But that's what's infuriating! There's actually some potential here from some of these musicians , but it's all cancelled out by a manchild from Florida! Why was this so successful? Because MTV wouldn't stop playing them? Because Ben Stiller was in the "Rollin" music video? Because they were in Mission Impossible 2 for that soundtrack ? Because Carson Daly loved them? It doesn't make any sense ! I could talk for hours how many artists from the early 2000s suffered, while bands like this made it to the top and made millions of dollars, but at the same time, we're all in the same boat: I think everyone regrets that Limp Bizkit existed. Sometimes it is good to remember the past. Sometimes we need to regret it, also. Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Wateris not even worth remembering, though. It's just a stain on the underwear of life, as good old JR put it. And I for one hope to never listen to this again, because it's just gonna make me more upset about so many good musician wasted behind the whiniest crybaby I've ever heard. I know there are a lot of people out there that are still Limp Bizkit fans and are still supporters of them, even in 2015, and that's fine. If you enjoy what they do, like them, support them! But I can't stand them, and I know I'm not the only one. I also know that Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water is something we must regret, especially as it is one of the fastest selling albums of all time!