Life's A Bitch

Chorus I don’t want to wait For my funeral For me to realize life is so beautiful I don't want to wait for my wake to see that being alive is so great Verse 1 I woke up from a dream where I was no longer breathing, I got excited Five years ago I thought about bringing that dream to life I guess to say I was depressed without knowing it's not inviting But the truth is that the proof of my pain was deep in my writing Comparing myself to Pac was like, machete to pocket knife Not saying I'm not as nice, I just wanted the spotted light Shining on me any way possible, if that meant my cold body called it quits in the hospital, then the time was right How could the time be right for an early death? I think the right time is using what we have left Chasing money, I thought that equaled success It took reflection of my records to detect that I was blessed I mentioned riding the train, always embraced poverty Talked about using girls for their cars, paper and property Victimizing myself like the industry had it out for me Said I wanted a spouse and a son, but it felt so out of reach How can we, walk around with blindfolds, stuck in grind mode? I was trying so hard to use my rhyme flow Shine, glow, rise, blow, fly, float, high, grow, line shows up, and get wild doe 'fore my time goes I climbed over hurdles in the truest sense Car, crib, wife, kid; now each day's a new event No more seeing darkness, switched my vision and removed the tints Know you gaining strength when you curl what you used to bench Chorus I don’t want to wait For my funeral For me to realize life is so beautiful I don't want to wait for my wake to see that being alive is so great Verse 2 You don't want to wait ‘Til your parent dies, and you masking cries Wiping tears, can't no one pacify you, the pastor tries Half the time you roamed on the planet, you had a passive ride Praying, hoping, wishing, but living just like the average guy See you don't need inspirational speakers Or motivation from Oprah, or doctors changing your features You know that life is a bitch when Nas and AZ was preaching So keep your focus on your goal, and every day, go achieve it Don't wait until you sit in the waiting room, in a crazy mood Nervous to receive some hellacious news, hope it's April fools People told me I had to lie to make it, they made the rules, up I had to break ‘em and make my moves I don't want to wait For a better job, great boss Tax return, new love, bigger place, weight loss Mixtape dropping, you swear it's gon’ get you popping, or as soon as your credit gets fixed, you bout to take off It's like waiting for Christmas to open presents When every day is a gift that was pre-sent, it's your presence On earth, believe you're worth more than money You're not a peasant You measure yourself by salaries, that can be why you're stressing Look Your New Year’s resolution is evolution, gym membership, that you never use or the weight that you’re never losing, you're gaining, cause your pain has no retribution The answer's in the mirror, and yes it's proven The most expensive bed is your deathbed, you could be paid It won't matter how much you saved Once you lay down and you're on your way out, there's no amount of money that would make someone trade, I don't want to wait Chorus I don’t want to wait For my funeral For me to realize life is so beautiful I don't want to wait for my wake to see that being alive is so great Verse 3 I don't want to wait like I did with my dad To tell him that I was bitter, not mad He didn't get to see me rap on TV or become a college grad It's like single-parent homes became a fad I wish he was here, no I wish I was sincere when he was living Or maybe just more enlightened to tell him how much I missed him I didn't need child support or even help with tuition I needed adult support, so I could tell him my vision I can't wait to tell my mother, that she inserted love and trust In a situation that could have been so tumultuous Days I needed someone reminding me I was tough enough And daddy wasn't there, she would hold me down with a mother's touch I wanted a parent at my games that would cheer me on I needed someone not to praise me, but hear my songs Mama worked like every day, out there being strong So the lights, grocery, and heat was on And we ain't miss a meal, but she had to deal with two sons trying to shine At the job nine to five, we was hungry five to nine Dealt with infidelity, fighting, domestic violent crimes and a car crash that totally realigned her spine So I can't wait To say mom you showed the deepest love that I can't shake I had to let her know it way before our last date, cause life tends to move at a fast pace God when I figured father figures were figures that didn't bother, to father they kids and live with ‘em, it was hard not to harbor on Hurt that I felt inside when I saw that things would get harder My brother was having kids, had the absent cycle revolving And no, my bro is not returning my calls while I'm penning this By the time it's released, I pray there's repentances I don't even know what I did to get off his friendship list But either way I love him to death, he gave me an endless gift He didn't have to bring me to those Masta Ace sessions Hung with Kool G, Craig G, great lessons Met Kane, I met Marley, met Big, even played ball with Guru and Premier as a kid But there's much more than that He excelled before he rapped, all-world quarterback, and then he ripped them Slaughter tracks My big brother, wasn't Big's brother but he was more like a distant cousin Beats and rhymes, consistent buzzing, got a record deal cause he was real and plus he spit disgusting, made me feel proud and inspired, and I'm still in the oven, I'm not done The love I have for my son Man it's hard to find descriptive language My career was filled with anguish Now I'm picked to raise a child into a man, to guide his hand to help him stand, But I get crazy nervous fits and anxious I want to tell my wife, that she was so right For having strength, fortitude and yes the foresight To walk away, cause on those dark, lonely, long nights Loose ends evolved to be more tight And I said it before, but looking back, I guess I wasn't dumb I chased a music mission, gave my heart to strings and drums And truly she understood, it's not to say I wasn't good But still she left me for the man I would become And how she loved me then is hard to fathom, it was random, now this tandem, We've created makes me rise and hold my heart, it's like the anthem With the rockets red glare and the bombs bursting in air All the issues in the past we just surpassed them Since she appeared, there's not a pair that can compare And it's so rare, when there was storms of hate and clouds of doubt, and cold fronts of despair I had an umbrella, rain shelter, sunshine to clear, my way of thinking, I was down and she was there So please don't wait! I don't care if you got your ears closed ‘Cause I don't dress like I'm a weirdo I'm trying to find courage like the cat that was easing down the road with the dog, Tinman and the Scarecrow And that other chick, please make your bucket list Tell your fam you love them, call somebody up for nothing, please reach out and touch them See when you're born you cry And everybody smiles When you die you smile And everybody cries They say everybody dies But their soul sticks together I'm so thankful for this ride Through my music, I live forever Chorus