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[Round 1: PoRich & Kid Twist] I came to end Bender's killing spree, and to question your presidential credibility 'Cause four events in twelve months? Homie I can divide That's one every let's say three, and without me? All of them would be weak, Volume 1? Live The rest? Pure wackness That's a one hot event every twelve month average And that's so, lame, don't ya' think Organik? And if he keeps chokin' he'll never get him a win It's probably like Solomon, can't remember what city he's in 'Cause these two choke in one of every two of their matches should get booed off the planet And if you pull your phone out in a battle, you are a faggot Provin' you can't adapt, losin' every fan that has your back and lookin' like the biggest joke in battle rap There's an app for that I see that scene with Real Deal now Y'all picture Loe on his phone, tryna redial freestyle You didn't get the props that your lines deserve, 'cause you tried to read 'em off a Blackberry Pearl Loe, you're behind the curve Loe choked givin' his own grandpa's eulogy Got up to do his speech then looked in the casket like, "Who is he?" This dude's least favorite movie is Remember The Titans But he loves Remembrance Day 'cause there's a minute of silence And after watchin' himself move around, sayin' nothin' like a pantomime I'm pretty sure this prince of Persia wished he still controlled the sands of time Wavin' ya' arms like air traffic control, too bad you could never land a line And at World Domination this Buddhist thought he reached nirvana with clever rhymes Then his third round started and well, never mind That shit was embarrassing and cringingly awkward It was like watching you lose your virginity except three minutes longer You left my town embarrassed, in debt and still have arrogance left? You're a chokin' jerk-off: David Carradine's death I've seen your apartment, you're broke Jesus, how much is Escrol chargin' for quotes? I thought your people were good for bargainin' Loe Instead you at the crib, watchin' 8 Mile, spittin' the bars that he wrote Then suddenly "Guys! Shhh! This is the part where he chokes" So brown ass, yeah I'm talkin' 'bout ya' man Loe If you take it in the ass with Sam Os' then is Bender face fuckin' to finish the lamb roast? And you vers' Prodigal Son, we'll forget that match happened But you still have six chokes so bad I can't fathom The sixth was Real Deal with that gay-ass hand clappin' And your top five chokes were bandwagon, bandwagon, bandwagon, bandwagon, *both* and bandwagon [Round 1: Bender & Loe Pesci] You don't make music You, don't, make, music Richard Moss: midget toss I heard Rich was sauced, lickin' shots off by the bar Nah, Twist spilled his schnapps, Rich was lickin' shots off of the bar If I say you need protection from his lethal weapon It's 'cause women he's been spreadin' with disease call him 'the walking STD collection' And she invented, the yeast infection This heat's expensive, diesel engine He's pretendin', when drinkin', it's pathetic really Get it together Richie He gets so shitty ingesting whisky, paramedics need a tube to pump it out his friends in Whitby call him Texas Mickey Versus Real Deal, it's rumored that we planned the choke And it's true, not even Organik knows So my apologies to that Trevor cat I did a lot for this company I was testin' her loyalty, and guess how they fuckin' got Avocado to edit that, damn Now battle rappers say my name like they could end my career, never that I just put a X on this pirate Rich's, like a treasure map You gettin' scraps, ya' husband feels safe wit' you You got breath like mace or pepper spray and the voice of a, rape whistle Before you got AIDS at Scribble, WRC was some tiring shit You carried this tiny Irish prick so long you felt it was time to switch And now you, get piggybacked by Richard, you're ridin' Dick You're dying Twist, and I ain't liftin' automatic weapons When I bring up that 4-5, just 'cause I had to mention this cat's pathetic battle record And Rich, you're batting for .500, they say that I should take a break Your record's talkin' to you dog, you keep gettin' ate and ate See there was not a lot of hype for puttin' Rich Moss up on the flier Even when we said he's comin' with his common law vagina Twist, the Jewish community oughta ostracize ya' You would've made the atomic bomb designer Doctor Robert Oppenheimer and his squad of top advisers wanna side or compromise with all the Nazi occupiers And turn every Hebrew in the Promised Land into a Holocaust denier Now Twist, you hate weed, and you constantly remind us But remember Battle Of The Bay, when I forced you to blaze wit' us? Started gettin' teary eyed, say you were hallucinatin' stuff Begged me to reassure you that was just a bag of haze from Lush *both* Yup, that was angel dust Guess you haven't watched Training Day enough Alex Larsen, that's a Danish name Which is funny, but little buddy, 'cause you have a flaky pastry frame What you wanna do? You couldn't bench press ten reps with a loaf of French bread if we spotted you This is Deadpool and Bruce Banner Versus Hansel, and Zoolander A pair of peregrine falcons Vers' a pirate and his parakeet squawkin' Mechanical jaws Versus Calvin, and Hobbs Komodo fucking dragons against malnourished dogs A pile of chips and a royal flush 'Gainst a pile of shit and a toilet brush Nah, scrap it, this is like Skelly and Pat Stay Against Ellen and Anne Heche on a hell of a bad day And you, have a Napoleon complex Go on with your small legs Events that I throw, like libraries that y'all got in Toronto What kind's that? The kind where you get shot with a crossbow [Round 2: PoRich & Kid Twist] Avocado edited your battle, and if that was like your performance fuckin' Then any whore you're pumpin' is beggin' for a fast-forward button Where'd you get your memory chip? The first computer to ever exist that could store 70 bits that Bender had when he was six? You're an awesome crew, 'cause he tells the same story over and over like seniors always do But to Pesci it's always new So they call me a pirate, figure I'd switch the agenda Give your girl a roofie so she didn't remember how I shivered her timbers Man, I could probably get drunk and make y'all look sloppy as fuck But oddly enough, they thought they could just Trust they whole style is so polished and buffed They came in beast mode, to demolish and crush The stupid motherfuckers must've forgot it was us Rich, Rich, Rich, you should be friends with Pesc', you have a bond that last forever Every Saturday night you're both on a massive Bender Yeah yeah yeah that's true, but I'm worried 'bout a drinkin' challenge after 'Cause right now, they're in the long grass with a pack of raptors Claws slash like daggers, leave a fat cadaver I'll smash ya' alma mater, then shatter Bender's Stratocaster like he made of alabaster Why'd you drop the 'Stratocaster' from your name? Either those Scott Free guitar disses must've really struck a chord Or you finally realized it made you sound like a fuckin' dork And Hindus believe in rebirth, I hope it happens to you fags So Loe can be reincarnated as an actual douche bag And since karma's a damn bitch, you'll come back as a sandwich I'm pretty sure the word for 'Bender' in Spanish is 'Madness' Now he said, when he "break out the pen, alarms go off," like he get hardcore props Piggy, when you break out the pen it's 'cause they didn't leave the barn door locked Lightning strike if you want war Vikings get sliced with the long sword I'll turn Flight Distance into Flight of the Conchords And Bender versus Arcane will be the saddest main event 'Cause you and him combined have an average age of, dead Here's a little preview of Bender's verse "I'll hit you with a shotgun, huhh, from my rockin' chair while I sit on my porch, huhh And then have my grandson, huhh, beat the shit outta yours: colostomy bag Now y'all both stole my rhymes and schemes, shit's happened too often It's like these fat asses got lazy and just abandoned the process So I came to throw earth, dirt, and sand on ya' coffin 'Cause these biters got lockjaw, like Hannibal taught 'em What, was your family adopted by Sir Anthony Hopkins? And Bender rolls like Fred Flintstone in his caveman rape van Cops check the DNA strands then ask which way the ape ran But you been takin' walks at the mall, playin' bocce ball, livin' carefree Hey Iron, Bender's 34, where should his career be? Colostomy bag [Round 2: Bender & Loe Pesci] Now Rich's woman is in excellent shape Showed us a video of her dancin', for 20's on stage But at the end of the tape, when it showed her spreadin' her legs That snatch was a spittin' image of the Predator's face, heugh Now even on your wedding day, I bet your girl's down We can smash in her church gown while we swerve 'round She heard I even mounted the deathbed to a hearse now Beat it in the first round, gas leak in the racecar made her squirt through her skirt, wow Push one of my balls through, penetrate on the first down Second I, fucked her again, dissed all her friends, made everything worse now And don't say shit to her, just walk around the room for seven minutes and make that bitch wait 'fore I burst in the third round They said we should do research to beat you with the personals I'd rather roll up a Montreal Gazette and beat you with the personals And hand it to Rich for a blanket, let's get down to business I'd get you a pot to piss in just to fuckin' drown you in it Your body odor smells like a dumpster behind a Ponderosa Rich Moss, you're a walkin' coma You would suck a cock for a scotch and soda, who are we kiddin'? You would pussy pop for a hot Corona And fuck a twist off, I'll let Osa knock you over and use your hairless twot for a bottle opener Was that Twist on the flier or was I lookin' at that Farrah Fawcett poster? Now when I booked a venue a couple floors above a store It's 'cause when I swing a fuckin' sword or put that machete to your upper core, I'm usin' Saint-Laurent as a landing strip You ain't got the guts to play tug of war When I swing down usin' your large intestine as a bungee cord I walk back upstairs, covered in blood and gore Stick a knife in the cutting board, while the bar owner says "Ayo Pesc', next time just use the fuckin' door" Son it's war, and I don't know if you're a bitch by choice But every time Rich uses his inside voice it makes your insides moist Now Twist, you made it cool for faggots to rap, now that's atrocious Rich? You open doors for a lot of people, but that's because you're homeless Carries his toilet lookin' like a pickle and brine Sips his coffee, uses his teeth to filter nickels and dimes You crawled out the washroom of a francophone brothel Some Spanish hoes costume, spandex, pantyhose and canker sores on you Crank in both nostrils, stank like, old nachos So Twist handed you his cologne and you, you drank the whole bottle Rich, you two spent three days writin' those three rounds, that was no trouble But, struggled the last two months comin' up with all your faggot rebuttals, is that what it's come to? That's what happens when you got a daddy that fucks you A sister that's your niece, and a aunt, that's your uncle Twist, you've got a lot of fans here that love you There's a man here to fuck you [Round 3: PoRich & Kid Twist] Hold up, hold up, we had a verse planned but let me throw some flips in it I made it cool for faggots to rap, and you choked for six minutes Dog, you're queer sauce And you keep stroking your chin tryin' to remember your lines, you might pull your fuckin' beard off Now I'm mesmerized, 'cause if Bender tried to spend the time He takes to memorize, his never-ending lines, and exercised He'd be the most, energized, slender guy No more hot dog vendor nights, now it's still just Wendy's fries Ten piece chicken tender thighs Lookin' like Commander Riker, of the Fast Food Enterprise And Loe you sit around pissed while eatin' your noodles Swearing revenge on Seinfeld for losing your Visa renewal Very bad man Jesus, how has your breathing gotten so heavy? We should be calling him Leslie Nielsen, his lung problems are deadly We should be calling him Leslie Nielsen, his lung problems are deadly I repeated that bar 'cause Loe probably forgot it already And now we at the part, where I remove this rookie's heart surgically Pesc' ain't the Penguin, he's Catwoman, you play that pussy part perfectly Every meal this cokehead eats spaghetti and eight balls [?] sellin' that yay to everyone on ya' team Turnin' your homies into junkies and don't act like you don't know what I mean 'Cause once you take the 'r' out of 'friend' all that's left, is a fiend Adding Loe to your crew was foolish, why risk it? With that terrorist aboard you just shortened your flight distance I bet kids jump on your stomach like one of those giant bounce castles You know how I know you're gay? You like tiny brown assholes In the last battle he did, Loe had to attach pop-ups just to explain his lines to the people who were watchin' it So how the fuck you ever gonna serve me food for thought, if you could never cater, to an audience, without makin' it so obvious? And I heard yo' bitch's snatch, tastes like a shipping stamp, when you lick the back But you still into that, 'cause she got hamburger lips, pussy like a Wendy's Triple Stack Ayo, it's Kid Twist, dick deep in his bitch Whitby is the city, g'yeah g'yeah, ya' fuckin' dead How you gon' have more of a pumpkin head than Pumpkinhead? Up here lookin' like Marv Won-derbread And if I take ya' bitch to the movies, buy her a grape drink and fries I'm gettin' brains in the theater seat like when Abe Lincoln died And the last person you kissed was the Pringles guy He hit the booth every day cranking out tunes It's R.A. the Rugged Man but Nova Rockafeller would never make out with you And your stomach is swole like you got a kidney infection This big bitch is starting his own TV show: 60 And Pregnant And when you rap you breathe like a man doing hard labor, or a lifeguard CPR trainer, what! Or Darth Vader having heart failure, what! You're old as fuck and fat as hell and your breath isn't shit So I'd kill ya' but you're close enough to death as it is, damn! And all of his story was straightforward but yours is destined to switch 'Cause M. Night Shyamalan always ends with a Twist, damn! And I put Bender in a box: drunk tank [Round 3: Bender & Loe Pesci] Enough with all that faggot stuff Twist it was cool to see you drink like a man for once And you make a Star Trek reference? What a fuckin' goof You call me Commander Riker? Even your captain calls this piece of shit a number two Now Twist is my boy, so anyone fuckin' with his fam', I'm swingin' on 'em But don't be surprised when your nephew's born with a full beard and a drinking problem Now Alex Larsen, you're workin' on a novel or two You got a potential publisher and he watch this shit too Till he proofread that shit, said "You want the God's honest truth? I wipe my ass with this shit, Mischief's a better author than you" So when that novel get chewed up and the critics get mega trifle How you gonna defend a whole book Alex? You can't even defend a title Watch chances get 'bout half as slim as those jeans you're walkin' in duke When talent scouts from Random House see the Penguin slaughtering you And I'd say Rich is an alcoholic but what do I know? No seriously, what a fuckin' wino Twist you got a hymen homie Right now Rich is lookin' so high and horny he's lunging at you lookin' like a statue of the Heisman Trophy I heard his mom used to sniff drugs and get buck naked With strangers, piss drunk, and six months pregnant So it's not hard to perceive, that when you start from a seed The apple never really falls from the.....alcoholic slut that dropped it And Whitby, your record isn't wins and then losses, it's kids and abortions He's ten and six, and eight of them orphans He raised two, and by age two, those twins were in coffins What kind of father feeds liquor to toddlers? Takes 'em to the zoo to let 'em swim with piranhas Now when Rich was unconscious, Bender tried liftin' his wallet Yeah, it wasn't shit in his pocket just that six year-old condom And a picture of Kid Twist's dick and balls, in a silver miniature locket You are not hip hop, the fact you exist makes me nauseous But if you bitches just wanted Christopher Wallace to spin in his coffin *both* Then mission accomplished Now school's in session, question, who produced The Message? Question, who was the first supergroup from Houston, Texas? Question, who partnered with Eazy-E to start Ruthless Records? Hmm, here's an easy one: question, what kind of man buys all their clothes at Lululemon? Question, who thought they were givin' Fresco music lessons Grew up on indie pop and battle rap's just his new obsession? Question, what kind of fucking rapper disses rap with his emo friends Battles twice a year and expects real heads to respect him? Question, how do you fit into this rap shit? I swear to God, even if Mr. Conspiracy was 69ing Rich while I spat this The whole crowd would still be thinking god damn Twist is a faggot