Being Dead

Beetlejuice is a musical with music and lyrics by Eddie Perfect and book by Scott Brown and Anthony King. It is based on the 1988 film of the same name. The story concerns a deceased couple who try to haunt the new inhabitants of their former home and call for help from a devious bio-exorcist ghost named Betelgeuse (pronounced "Beetlejuice"), who is summoned by saying his name three times. One of the new inhabitants is a young girl, Lydia, who is dealing with her mother's death and her neglectful father. The musical had a tryout at the National Theatre, Washington, D.C. in October 2018, prior to opening on Broadway at the Winter Garden Theatre on April 25, 2019. It is produced by Warner Bros. Theatre Ventures (a unit of franchise owner Warner Bros.). Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the show played its final performance at the Winter Garden on March 10, 2020.

[Betelgeuse] Hey, folks! Begging your pardon! 'Scuse me! Sorry to barge in Now let's skip the tears and start on the whole Y'know Being dead thing You're doomed! Enjoy the singing The sword of Damocles is swinging And if I hear your cell-phone ringing I'll kill you myself The whole being dead thing! Death can get a person stressed We should have carpe'd way more diems Now we're never gonna see 'em! I can show you what comes next So don't be freaked Stay in your seats I do this bullshit, like, eight times a week! So just relax, you'll be fine Drink your fifty-dollar wine And take a breath! [Ensemble] Welcome to a show about death! [Betelgeuse] You're You're gonna be fine On the other side Die! You're all gonna die! You're all gonna die! I'll I'll be your guide To the other side [Ensemble] Oh, and full disclosure It's a show about death! [Betelgeuse] Everybody gets on fine here Like Rodgers, Hart, and Hammerstein here The women's bathroom has no line here Just Pee where you want! The whole being dead thing! You're just gonna love the folks here Yes, I know you're woke, but you can take a joke here! And every show I do, like, a ton of coke here The whole Pah-hah! The whole being dead thing! Nobody is bullet-proof! I work out, I eat clean! Jesus, pass the Dramamine Time to face the brutal truth 'Cause we're all on a hitlist Might not live 'till Christmas Choke to death on Triscuits Hey, that's just statistics So take a little break here Kinda like a wake here The scenery is fake here But there's a giant snake here! [Ensemble] Welcome to a show about death! [Betelgeuse] You're You're gonna be fine Thank you! On the other side How you doin'? Not good! Ba-be-ba-ba-be-bo-boo-bap-boop! I'll I'll be your guide! To the other side! Seriously, though, this is a show about [Ensemble] Death is taboo, but it's hardly something new There's nothing medical professionals could do 'Cept maybe just bill you [Betelgeuse] If you die while listening to this album It's still gonna keep playing [Ensemble] There's no destiny or fate Just a terrifying wait Filled with people that you hate And on a certain date, the universe kills you! [Betelgeuse] That's the thing with life No-one makes it out alive! Toss that body in the pit Gosh, it's awful, ain't it tragic? Blah, blah, Bible Jesus magic When you're dead, who gives a shit? No pilates, no more yoga! Namaste, you freakin' posers From the cradle to cremation Death just needs a little conversation! I have mastered the art (Dies Irae!) Of tearing convention apart (Dies Irae!) So, how about we all make a start (Dies Irae!) On the whole being dead thing! [All] God, I hope you're ready for a show about death!